March 31, 2012
I am have been sooo tired that I just could not get myself on here to update. I have been doing ok but have hit that awful spot of no gain no loss phase. I need to fast or do something drastic cause I cannot stay at 116lbs. No!
Work has been great, have loved it! My co workers are so funny and fun to be around, the customers are ok and no one has yelled yet. I basically get to sit around all day and answer phones which hardly ring and just twirl my pen around my fingers. LOL. Its nice to get paid for doing nothing but its not good when I want to be super skinny tiny and I don't get to move my body around. So, I have been trying to get my butt in shape at the gym.
Sometimes after work its nice and Im all motivated to move move and move harder and faster. But now and especially today I feel just so tired and can't seem to get that burning desire to go to the gym. There must be something wrong with me. I hope Im not getting sick!
My bf has been driving me crazy! He is so negative and a whiner. Like me today lol! I just do not know what to do with him. He started complaining to me when I was leaving that he only had 5$ to his name. He says " wow 5$ that will be nice to have my daughter this weekend with only f'ing 5$" and looks at me. As if I spent his money. Hello! You go to poker tourneys 2x a week spend 20-40$ at a time and drink 7 nights of the week and go play pool and go to the bar and make dinner for your friends and waste the gas to go see them. Don't be looking at me like I have ever took your money! Gee.
Or maybe he was looking at me cause he wants me to give him money. I have before and Im stupid enough to do it again but theres only so far he can push me. I think thats why my body is so tired feeling. Im just exhausted. Ugh.
Well, I am doing the cabbage soup diet and have completely one day of it and let me tell you....I have been so gasy non-stop since my first taste of that soup. It was yummy don't get me wrong and I can eat it all day and still want more. Its real tasty. But I am a huge ball of gas and I do not smell good at all! Lol.
I felt bad for my lil puppy dog who insisted on sleeping next me all night when all I wanted to do was be....gasy.....lol. I def don't think I can allow myself to continue this when going back to work because I will kill my co workers! So I am going to fast starting tomorrow for a whole week. And the days I have off I will have the cabbage soup diet. Which will be hard since now my schedule is 6 days of work instead of 5. Love the hrs and the extra money Ill be making but its going to be difficult to try and keep my tummy from growling by fasting.
Also in my news, I am going to train to run a marathon. Ok.....Im starting small. Only a 3k in the next 3 months. I think it will help get me in shape with training and then I can lose weight and stay on track. God I am so tired. I don't think I can even finish updating.
Perhaps a nap is in order......so until next time stay strong all!!!
Xoxo ~Edie
March 19, 2012
Worked out today and it was fabulous! I went earlier this morning hoping to beat the crowd. And thankfully, no one was there except a few older gentlemen. Yesterdays workout was awesome as well but today I did the ellipitical, the bike and of course jogged. It was great and I feel like Im getting so much more in shape. I can see muscles forming!!
I have this cute sports-bra thats teal and looks so cute. And especially since my abs are forming into beautifulness I may actually wear just that with my running pants to the gym. Well....eventually. I'm a bit modest and I def don't want a repeat of the first day at the gym to happen. No one be talking about me and what Im wearing. Idk yet, but I think it would be nice to one day go in there all toned and healthy looking and just feel satisfied about my body. :)
So, rereading my yesterday post, I must apologize. I am not the prettiest girl in my state. I can't believe I was so arrogant and stuck up to even post that. I know Im pretty but to make the claim I'm the prettiest is a lil far fetched. Ill let a judge decide first lol! Also, I must apologize for being so bitchy. Its just when I get super hungry and don't want to eat and have my family saying "eat this, eat that" all day long, I get aggravated. And of course trying to real my ultimate goal sooner than later doesn't help. I wish I could be there now!!!
In grocery shopping news, I got these OMG yummi Kashi bars with dark chocolate and coconut on top, omg omg omg there are so good. Low sodium, low fat, low cal-120 and are delicious. I've totally hanged up my fruits and vegies eating plan to incorporate grains like granola. I've also been having yogurt with granola in the morning, a granola for snack before gym time, then afternoon snack is an apple and a boiled egg, dinner-vegies and something with protein---thats only 2 nights a week (for example I had spinach and 2oz of salmon tonight broiled cause thats the healthiest) and for evening snack I munch on frozen grapes or some other fruit or snappeas or broccoli. And from doing all that and switching from just fruits and vegies I've managed to stay on track with my weight and still feel refreshed. Still eating under 700 calories though so at least Im not stuffing myself endlessly. Just feel up on granola.
Boiled eggs are so awesome! They are only 18 calories!!!!!! Without the yolk which is how I prefer them anyways so if you are looking for something to make the tummy stop growling and to actually feel you up without eating that much calorie intake...boiled eggs. Dude, they are insane! I don't eat more than 3 a day. Thats the highest I've eaten them, usually its only 1 a day. Boil up 5 or 6 and your set for almost the week :)
Still drinking tons of water and tea. I read in Self magazine that by drinking 3-5 cups of green tea a day lowers your risk for heart disease. Right on! I'm totally doing that. Seeing as I smoke cigs progressively all day which is not good for my heart or body at all, eating healthy and drinking healthy should hopefully balance it out......lol.
I know smoking is so bad for you. I'll be going on 6 yrs in Oct. So....Im thinking I am going to quit. As I've been working out so much my jogging is struggling because of my lungs. I feel the burn and feel like my body can take running like crazy for mins after mins....its just my lungs. I can't get my breathe. And I know how to do breathing when working out. Its cause I smoke. I don't want to struggle when Im working out and feel unhealthy cause of my smoking but I love my cigs! Im torn. I at least will smoke until my cig anniversary date. So I can enjoy the summer smoking to my hearts content. I will miss smoking!
Anyways, I think thats about as much as I got today. Will be on again tomorrow and have more fun things to tell. Hope angel is well, I miss her!!!!!!
Lots of love to all who read our blog and thank you all so much for the support. It helps not binging knowing I have this blog to come to and update. I love you all!
Xoxo~Edie
March 18, 2012
I meant to write in here sooner but I have just been so exhausted. Where to begin!? The day of my birthday from where we left off, I frantically checked the scale and thankfully had not gained any weight, Was still at 114lbs. Thank the Lord! Guess the throwing up helped...lol. Anyways, then went to see my boyfriend and he made for dinner homemade fries and other things that I didn't eat. Just some of the fries, which I know are the most weight gaining thing on the planet-Potatoes!- But they were yummy and I had to get something in my system. The following morning, weight was the same.
Oh, forgot to mention how my birthday actually went besides the eating portion. My boyfriend totally took my breathe away and surprised me with wine-which I sipped one glass slowly while he finished 4 beers- and we played board games and cards all night. It was really sweet. I was totally impressed how special he made my night. And then of course the bedroom part was amazing as per usual lol!
The next few days went by as normal. Intake was no more than 600 calories and I was slowly working my way up on signing up to the local gym. I started doing even more tummy exercises and butt lifts. And then by the strangest chance, I got a flyer in the mail from the local gym with a 5 day free pass and 1$ signup for the month coupons. So I took it as a sign and called to make sure I didn't have to pay anything upfront and viola! I went in there 2 days ago and have a week free pass cause the manager lady rocks and after that I will pay only 1$ for the first month. Along with 10$ for the unlimited tanning they have there.
It's great! Now I don't need to worry about tanning anywhere and paying outrageous amount of money, I can just go to my gym! And I have been going there everyday so far, yes Im on the 3rd day but I have been working out for at least 2 hrs each time I go. Its been so much fun and I push myself so hard.
I should tell you about my first day there though. So I am on the treadmill doing my thing, speed walking for 5 mins, jog for 5 mins, rotating until the hr is up, and these 2 guys go to the treadmills alil over from me. Theres me on the right, a fat guy next to me on the left, then these 2 guys next to him on the left.
Let me paint the picture. I am wearing sweatpants that look like yoga pants, a zip up sweater jacket thingy and my hair is in a ponytail. My treadmill machine.....squeaks when I jog or go any higher on the level than a 4. Of course right!? So as my speed walking 5 mins are up I begin the jogging part, and there goes my squeaky machine....jog right left right *squeak* jog left right left *squeak* etc etc. Now see I normally don't get embarrassed by such things or even care, but it was a loud squeak and heres the best part. As soon as I start this jogging, the 2 guys begin to talk about me. Apparently my squeaking got their attention and they begin by saying
"Is that her machine"
"Yea I think so"
"Why is she wearing so many clothes"
"Idk, but got to appreciate it though"
"Yea, a girl like her should be covering up"
Ok, now as they are saying that and Im jogging on my squeaking machine, I know my face got redder and I was probably having that face of awkwardness. What were they implying? Im fat? I told my mom, a friend who was just worthless to speak to about it, and my boyfriend. Mom says "Oh they were complimenting you cause your so pretty, covering up so not to distract them."
My boyfriend says "F*** them you no your not fat", and my friend first says "those guys r idiots" and "your classy" and then tells her boyfriend and then says to me "your being insecure they were giving you a compliment" ....Ok biatch wtfever keep your mans opinion to himself. F-ing insecure, puleeeze! First, I don't care if they were calling me fat or giving me a compliment. I am 114lbs, I know thats not FAT territory. Second, the reason Im upset was that I was even being talked about. Hello, Im going to the gym to workout and get toned so that Im not all frail and stick thin looking. I'm not looking to meet a guy or have guys who are fat idiots to be talking about me. Like they could even get me anyways. Ugh! My friend has no idea. Makes me want to just forget her. But I guess she is right, which is probably why Im being so defensive. Insecurities. Gotta love them. But with me, Im not really that insecure. Just with the weight thing, which I feel I have under control. I wouldn't mind losing a couple more pounds, but this is the skinniest I've been since high school.
I know I'm pretty, thin, smart, funny, social butterfly, more beautiful than most girls in the my state, I get asked out everyday at least 3 times-No joke, I totally do-I am a brat, a baby at times, emotional-Im a pisces so whatev!, but insecure....c'mon. Theres not much to be insecure about but yea, we are all insecure in some ways and the way my friend who sent me like 5 paragraph texts to go on and on about me being insecure and why I shouldn't be......please......just go away. Since she doesn't know me that well and hasn't seen me in over a month or longer, she has no idea on tiny I've gotten or really what Im all about so F to the U to the friend who doesn't know S!
Gosh, I vent too much. Lol. I think its cause I'm hungry all the time. Just another side effect to being skinny.
St. pattys day was yesterday and of course all my friends and my bf was out drinking it up while I sat happily at home watching movies and just relaxing. I don't feel the need to get all stupid drunk and intake a bunch of wasted calories after Ive worked this hard to get to the this weight. Not saying it didn't worry me that my bf was out at the casino/club/bar where in his words there was a million people there and that all his friends and cousin had brought their girlfriends and he was the only one with his not there. Yea I was worried and I probably snapped at him in my txts which I don't even want to glance at cause I know I was bitchy. I ate like 300 calories yesterday and burned 435 so I was really feeling it. I was totally mean. He sent me a txt a lil while ago saying good morning at like 10am. Yea right mister, you're trying to be nice now after you ignore me all night. I don't think so! Lol
I need to work on this bitchiness. Im usually so nice. I only have a few more lbs to lose and then once I get it to that weight for good I can calm down. I mean I've been stuck at 114 for like what a week and a half or something crazy like that. technically. Anyways, I feel this post was just out right a ruin so I think I need to drink some tea, smoke a cig and get ready to go workout. Maybe I'll feel better later. Hopefully I feel better later.
Xoxo~Edie
March 11, 2012
So my birthday is tomorrow and my family wanted to celebrate today with my favorite dish-Jambalaya and frozen yogurt cake from TCBY. I usually of course would be excited to enjoy my favs, but with all my hard work...not so much.
The day began with my mom wanting to run errands. We go to the grocery store, target and TCBY and also the mall where I got a cute shirt :) At target my mom says "are you hungry?" I can tell she is so I say "sure". She gets a cinnamon pretzel and orders me a small popcorn.....cause that also use to be a favorite. And yes I've craved popcorn for months now! So I end up eating half of it!!! Looking it up online it says like 168calories but Ill just round to 200calories.
I calculated what my intake from dinner and the slice of cake would be cause I couldn't just not eat it after what my family going through to make this day special. The popcorn included with dinner=totaling 1,085 calories! So I'm pretty much freaking out cause thats way more than I usually eat. I'm eating around 500-700 calories a day so....that huge change would make me feel like a big balloon!
I go for a run and do a billion situps, leg lifts, squats til I feel like Im going to faint an hour before dinner in hopes that that will at least help with the intake. And then dinner comes and I eat it. It was sooooo delicious! She made it extra healthy for me too upon my request. No broth-only water, only vegies no extra nothing. There was shrimp and diced chicken and so many vegies and a lot of cayenne pepper and chili powder. Brown rice included. It was so good. Then the cake came and that alone was suppose to be 218calories for the size I cut and that was delish too! It was so bad I caved.
I felt like the hugest person ever. Although I ate all that my tummy wasn't pushed out as much as I thought and when I tried to push it out to show my mom how much I was going to explode, it was kinda hard to even show past my usual tummy size. But that didn't satisfy myself in knowing that I had ate soooo many calories.
So, I take my dog for her walk and all I could think about was all that food. And that I was going to throw up. So...I know I said I'm over bulimia..and I am. But I may have to change my NO BULIMIA stance. If I have to eat or just end up eating, I will stick my fingers down there and purge.
I waited until I took my bath which was an hr later and I was so worried about the time. Cause they say that if you wait past 3 hrs after you eat...its too late. The calories will stay. So I hurry up to the bathroom, run the water and have at it.
I got the cake out for sure, and half of the jambalaya. It was so spicy and still tasted good. Eww, yea I know. But it was hard when the spicys hit. I tried again after the bath, just 2 more really big good ones I kept telling myself. And when I tried..and succeeded of course...it was painful. Because it was in the stage of whatever stage the stomach does to turn your food into fat or nutrients or whatever. I had to actually cough cough it out, which wasn't very quiet. I feared there would be questions once out of the bathroom, but thankfully no one said anything. Just smiled :)
So I'm not saying that I did well today. But I hope I took the necessary steps in avoiding any to a few lb weight change. Being at 114.5lbs is so heavenly right now and if I slip up....I will have to start to fast for a week to just get back to that.
Besides that, I did get some nice gifts and I got to spend more time with my family which is nice.
Tomorrow, on my actual birthday, my boyfriend is bbqing me up some vegies and more shrimp. It was like our first date dinner he made for me and wants to do it again. I've said yes but I know what Im going to do. If I fill up on vegies, no shrimp, Ill be ok. Besides, Im buying the vegies so Ill know what exactly Im eating.
Speaking of my boyfriend....I spent a couple days with him as I had mentioned in my previous post and it was alright. He ended up going to his tournament like I knew he would. So I ate nothing that night, probably only like 400 calories the whole day. And the next day, well....he doesn't have much food anyways in the house so lets just say, that the cranberries I brought with me to munch on, well thats all I ate. 130 calories. And jeez, you would think I'd be hungry from just that, but those cranberries fill you up!
I know he noticed some weight-loss with me because he ran his hands all of my body feeling my bones. And when I was dressing to get ready to leave, he just stared at me. Not in a weird, omg look, just a look like Wow. He doesn't like anorexic looking girls and I know he will say something at some point, but I guess I look just healthy enough that its of no concern to anyone. And if you look at my bmi, I'm 5'6 with 114.5lbs. I am just on the mark for healthy weight for my height. So I'm technically....not underweight. :)
Anyways, I enjoyed my run today so much and my legs are looking so thin, I cannot wait for bikini season! I'm going to make it a daily thing. Maybe twice a day!
Until next time, with more updates and hopefully tomorrows weight being the EXACT same, I shall talk with you all later! Lots of love!
xoxo~Edie
March 7, 2012
Worked out today! After re-reading my last post I thought, hmmm, you what I really should kick up my exercise routine along with my eating plan. So I did the Just Dance 2 for 45 mins which made me sweat non-stop whew! Then moved on the WiiFit and did every single program on there. The hula hoops killed me! :) So a total of almost 2 hrs of exercise today and only 700 calories yeppee!!
Another update on the boyfriend, well he has been acting all weird since I told him Im moving out. Weird being he is acting super sweet. Grr!! Men! I have consented to see him tomorrow which actually will be even better for me to not eat much of anything tomorrow. He plays tons of tournaments and doesn't spend a whole amount of time around so its easy not to have dinner or whatnot. Anyways, my plan is to only have cranberries, a cup of brown rice and iceberg lettuce tomorrow.
Today is my only vegie day and it has been fabulous! Had 9 baby carrots for breakfast along with a cup of green tea equaling 35 calories. Lunch 2 cups iceberg lettuce diced up equaling 20 calories. Dinner broccoli equaling 31 calories. Snacking on carrots and a boiled egg-17calories. Wow, writing it out I feel my intake was way more, but oh well. I've been doing the vegies/fruit alternating days for so long now it just seems normal.
Its funny, stepping on the scale today said 115 lbs. but then the Wiifit scale said 114 lbs. so I don't know which one was more accurate since they are both suppose to be the most accurate scales. Either way Im happy with my progress and the fact I've done so well.
And it was so refreshing to update yesterday! Im super excited to start doing the whole blog thing again. Its so motivating and it's like my personal diary where I can just get all my venting out.
Speaking of venting I must get this out!!!!! So, I'm taking my little dog for her afternoon walk and the moment I open the front door, there's this FAT girl with a bike. Of course my lil pup barks her head off cause it even surprised me. So I let the girl go passed thinking "ok, hurry up she's got to poo"
But this girl is not riding her bike.....she's walking it. Like a dog. Like what I'm doing....but with my actual dog. She stops every 2 mins or even less and just stands there trying to adjust her clothing, which btw was fine. No adjustment from where I stood was need. So, the reason I'm pissed about her even being there is because my dog will bark and bark and go crazy with strangers and demand to either continue barking or go up and make friends. We were NOT making friends.
See, I can understand someone who is heavy trying to work out themselves and be healthy....you know walking or even riding the bike. But she wasn't even doing that! She just stood there staring at me and my dog like....."uh duh..." Gee, whatever weirdo! If you are trying to work out why don't you just keep walking or at least ride your bike. It was a tough walk for me and my pups.
There's this spot she always does her "thing" at, so we walk up that way trying to avoid that girl, but then wham! Turn the corner and there she is! ...she didn't get far.... But here is the thing, besides just staring non-stop at us which not only annoyed me but my dog as well, she gets on her bike for the first time I seen that entire time out walking and pedals once......and then immediately gets off. What?! I don't get people. First she just stops and stares, like hey...have you ever seen a dog bark before? Then takes forever to even go anywhere, which sure, maybe being that heavy you can't move too fast. But in my mind I think she could have moved faster than that. It was like watching a snail. And she did NOT look winded so I'm not even going to say she had been "working out" long.
March 6, 2012
Must say it has been far too long for an update and I apologize to all who come here for support, advice and some sense of friendship. No excuses will make up the time lost but I can sure give my all to helping maintain this blog and unconditional support to not only all of you but to my dear friend Angel. xoxoxo
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With that said, let me tell you all what has been happening in my world!
I have been doing so well with pretty much everything. There has been some ups and downs. But for the most part, life has been good for 2012! I am still with my boyfriend, but am in the process of moving out-back home to the parents. I just need a break and to figure things out. Not saying that I don't love him to death but as I am getting older I see the things I want for my life and Im not sure if he is wanting the same things. I definitely don't want this blog to be about my relationship drama, so I will leave it at that...for now. :)
My friends have been surprisingly around and wanting to get together for wine tastings, lunch, even grab a cup of tea. Its nice to have them there. And from the stories they tell it seems like girl friendships are so hard to find and realizing who your true friends are is something I think all of us go through. Its funny though, Im the skinniest of all my friends and they all ask ME for advice on losing weight! I try to help but sometimes the advice I want to give....like the Ana tips I have always used.....don't think that would fly so well. Especially when they start really thinking about it and thats why Im so thin. Better to give the same diet tips you read online or in magazines so not to attract any unwanted attention my way.
So I know you are probably wanting me to hurry up and get to my stats already! Ok, here we go....yes....I am FINALLY at 115lbs!!! I went from 132lbs fluctuating actually from 132-140lbs for like 3 months and then I just stopped eating crap! I always go to bed imaging myself wearing these beautiful slender dresses.....think what Victoria Beckham would wear....and I would literally fall asleep with that image and then I woke up. I woke up and I started putting that image to work!
It was pretty simple at first, it doesn't take much to lose 10lbs right away for me. But keeping my eating pattern in check was a struggle. I crave salty things, chocolate and yea...that yummy tasting vanilla caramel latte. But I had to remember every time I caved, I was disappointing Angel, Ana and myself. I would never reach my goal by saying its ok to eat a few potato chips. Cause in reality....a few chips turned into a whole bag. And Im over bulimia. None of that for me.
The relationship with food that I have had over the years has always been Pro-Ana. I don't need emotional eating, I don't need crappy food, and I don't need to look like the average American to be normal. All I eat now, when I do eat, is fruits, vegies, boiled eggs-no yolk and the occasional brown rice and fish. No butter, no oils, no fructose or unnecessary sugars. I take vitamins and drink alot of tea.
Sticking to this eating plan had made me lose 15-20lbs. I don't exercise as much as I should, but I get in the walks, running, tummy workouts and butt lifts. I did do the 7,000 a day jumping jacks at the beginning of this eating plan to jumpstart my weight loss and whew! I think that helped. I read somewhere that by doing 7,000 a day, you lose a lb. Lol!
HW-143lbs
CW-115lbs
GW-105lbs
3/6/2012
Do I get lightheaded? Yes. Does my stomach growl louder than a lion? Yes. Do I get snappy? Yes. How do I solve these problems? Well, drinking lots and lots of water and tea helps me. And for the snappiness....I smoke. Yes, I still appreciate my cigarettes. Going on 5 yrs now, but I plan on .....*yikes* quitting by next year. Maybe. ;)
By eating nothing but fruits and vegies, you not only get that nutrition, and of course the many trips to the bathroom-it makes you pee nonstop and the other at times....many times, lol-but it does for the most part keep you full with low calories.
I will try to write out the exact foods I eat to help anyone wanting to try out the fruits and vegies alternating days eating plan. Need to go through my thinspo diary :)
I hope this has been more than enough of an update for now to help boost anyones Ana love. I most certainly feel better for getting some of this out! Talk soon, much love and remember everyone, Ana loves you and so does EdiesAngel <3
xoxoxo
